Marriage Minute: Let Not Man Separate

Mat 19:6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate."

So often in marriage there is the idea that if things don't work out we can always get a divorce. This thought occurs in Christian marriages as well as non-Christian. Why do so many Christian couples see divorce as an option?

I understand that there are many reasons a couple might get divorced... (Been there done that) So today's post isn't a condemnation of those who have been through such a difficult occurrence in their life, it is to encourage those who are married to look at things regarding their marriage from a Biblical perspective. If you are contemplating divorce as you read this I pray that God speaks to you and softens your heart to what He tells us in His Word.

Since this is a "marriage minute"... I will try to make it concise. Marriage is designed by God for a purpose. I see from the scriptures that there are at least three:

• To show the world the image of God (Gen 1:26)
• To show the world the relationship of Christ and the church (Eph 5:31)
• To be a covenant between man, woman, and God (Mal 2:14)

We often think of marriage as a way for us to have companionship with another to keep us from being alone. It is far more than that. God designed marriage to reflect His image and the relationship Jesus has to the church. When we enter into the covenant of marriage there are always things that will try to destroy our relationship. When kids come into the picture, financial hard times, or even our own sin creeps up we can often scratch our heads and wonder, "what is going on here?"

Like all relationships in life, marriage not only takes work but staying power as well. If we have a friend offend us we often find new friends. If we don't like our job we can get another one. And many times when people experience difficulty in their church they simply move on. Marriage is different... God designed it to be permanent, lasting, and forever.

Daily In Christ - Marriage Minute

I know that there is much that can be said about this and I will be posting more in future posts. Until then, I encourage you to look at the scriptures. Pray to God to open your eyes to the purpose of marriage and help you see Him working in and through your relationship.

Blessings to you as you build your marriage on Him.

Keith

Marriage Minute: Healing Power Of Forgiveness

Mat 6:14-15 For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Every relationship we have, especially marriage relationships, require us from time to time to ask for forgiveness and to forgive others. It is quite easy for us to wait and expect our spouse to come to us when we feel we are "mostly" in the right and they are "mostly" in the wrong. Unfortunately, this can lead to a marriage filled with un-forgiveness because we both sit and wait for the other one to make a move.

Marriage relationships can be hard. They cause us to take a close look at our heart. Many of us know the benefit of true forgiveness but will be stubborn and prideful and wait until the other person comes to us. Jesus says in Mat 6 that we actually stifle forgiveness in our own life when we lack forgiveness for others. Forgive, and seek to be forgiven...

Daily In Christ - Marriage Minute

Today I encourage you to bring up an area in your marriage that you need to forgive your spouse for. Pray to God to reveal your heart and ask for guidance. Lovingly work together at trying to heal from this past hurt and begin the process of forgiving each other...

Blessings to you as you forgive your spouse today.
Keith

Marriage Minute: Looking Out For Number One!

Php 2:3 Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

We live in a dog eat dog world. Around every corner there is someone or something lurking to trip you up. In business, school, and life in general it is important to look out for potholes that will knock us off of course. And it is especially important to look out for number one! And I am not talking about you... I am referring to your spouse.

In order to make your spouse number one in your life, this verse from Philippians tells us that it comes from humility. When we are looking out for our own interest first, it comes from a heart of pride. And, as we know, pride is an abomination to the Lord (Prov 16:5).

So what does it take to have a heart that puts your spouse first? Well, I am glad you asked... The first thing it takes is an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. True love must come from the vine. If we are learning to be more Christlike in our life, putting our spouse in the number one slot will come much easier. In order to do this we must spend time in the Word, in prayer, and in fellowship with other Christians.

Daily In Christ - Marriage Minute

Do you put the interest of your spouse over your own? I am not talking about being beat down and not taking care of your needs. I am talking about a genuine love for your mate that causes you to desire their needs over your needs? Today I encourage you to intentionally place a need of theirs over your own and discover the difference it makes in your marriage.

Blessings to you as you love like Jesus.

Keith

Marriage Minute: The Three Legged Race

My wife and I were recently talking about a missionary couple in England. She was telling me a little bit about their story and the struggles and blessings they have received as missionaries. One of the things that stood out very clear in everything she shared was their commitment to one another and their ability to work together as a team. Of course, being the analogy kind of guy that I am I had to give an analogy back to her as I reflected what she was telling me. "It is kind of like they are in a three legged race and they are running in synchronicity" I shared. (I know, kinda dumb, I'll admit it)

Our conversation got me thinking about the relationship I have with Lori and the way we work together as a husband and wife. Do we run the race together with our legs tied well and our feet moving in the same direction? Or, are we constantly trying to untie our leg, run in opposite directions, and/or falling all over each other?

So today's marriage minute I wanted to share some things that a couple can do to work more like a team rather than running in different directions. It isn't all inclusive, doesn't come from some marriage guru, and is merely the things God has shown me over the years that has allowed me to experience a real blessing in my marriage.

• Pray Together: I believe our spiritual lives need to be in unison before anything else will work properly. Pray with your spouse and your family.
• Love the Lord together. This means worship together, read the Word with one another, go to church together...
• Take care of your own spiritual life. When you know the love of Jesus intimately then you have a greater chance of looking like Jesus to your spouse. True love can only come from the source.
  
• Adore one another. Sounds corny right... but really, who should adore you more? When you find true love in your spouse you will not be so taken by someone else and your ability to combat temptation is far greater.
• Resist temptations... Another team killer is when we give into our temptations and find ourselves cleaning up messes rather than moving forward in our marriage. When the hook comes, don't bite it!
  
• Learn and develop healthy communication skills respecting each others differences. We will never agree 100% of the time. (And that's what makes us unique)
  
• Minimize Conflict. How often do we stand our ground on petty differences? Allow your spouse to have a differing opinion and feel free to express it without you becoming defensive.
• Establish goals that point you in the same direction. Often couples will have different goals and desires for the path of the marriage and family and not know it because they have never discussed it. Don't just assume your spouse has the same desires as you. Take time discussing where you want to go in your marriage so it doesn't go in opposite directions.

These are just a few ideas to help build teamwork in your marriage. I would love to hear from you!

Daily In Christ - Marriage Minute Challenge

Take a minute today and share what you have done in your marriage to build teamwork. Leave a comment for others to read and benefit from your experiences. If you are struggling in the area of teamwork in your marriage I encourage you to go to the Lord today and tell Him your desires for your marriage. Then listen to Him and see if what you want is what He wants... Then begin to discuss them with your spouse and be open to where He leads you.

Blessings today as you devote your life and your marriage to Him.

Keith

Marriage Minute: Delight In One Another...

Pro 5:18-20 Let your fountain be blessed, And rejoice in the wife of your youth. As a loving hind and a graceful doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; Be exhilarated always with her love. For why should you, my son, be exhilarated with an adulteress And embrace the bosom of a foreigner?

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Today's Daily In Christ Marriage Minute may be a reality check for some. A time where you are reminded to prune away some sinful behaviors and rededicate your heart to the one person God gave to you for the rest of your life. For others it may simply be an affirmation of a great blessing in your life, your love and affection for your husband or wife... These verses in the book of Proverbs affirm my God given love and devotion to my wife, and my never ending commitment to my marriage.

It grieves the Lord tremendously when a couple who have devoted themselves to one another find their marriage bed tarnished because of selfishness and sin. God has designed a perfect system for us to enjoy the fruits of marriage and we spend a lot of time and effort messing it up sometimes. God said it is not good for man to be alone and made a perfect specimen for him (Gen 2:8). When we selected our spouse we did so with the intent that we would keep ourselves pure and only devoted to the one He gave us.

Daily in Christ - Marriage Minute Challenge

Do you delight in your spouse the way you did from the time you first met? Are you still exhilarated by their love or have you been drawn to other things to satisfy your desires? I encourage you to make a firm commitment to not allow the temptations of other people, the lusts of the flesh, and the impure desires of your heart have any place in your life.

I pray today that you will delight in the wife (and husband) of your youth. Ask Jesus to be your strength and source of love toward your spouse.

Blessings,
Keith

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Marriage Minute: Speak Gently To One Another

Mat 12:36-37 I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned."

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As I sit down to think and pray about today's Marriage Minute, I have to look at my heart and make sure I am right before God before I can even think about what I can say to others. And oh what a humbling thing that is sometimes. This week God has encouraged and uplifted me in many areas of my life. He has also brought one area to my heart that I want to share specifically with you on today's Marriage Minute. It is the area of communication.

Jesus tells us that we will be accountable for every careless word that we speak. Good and thoughtful communication is a huge factor when comes to being intimate in your marriage. I discovered again this past week, (and I say again because I am such a work in progress) that how I speak to my wife makes an enormous difference in how we relate in other areas. Kind and encouraging words generally equates to love and intimacy. Harsh and critical words cause our relationship more strain and the closeness we may have had just a few hours earlier can be gone.

Daily In Christ - Marriage Minute Challenge

This week I challenge you to consider the words of Jesus. Even if you disagree with something your spouse is saying to you, remember that we will be held accountable for the things we say to our spouse. Be patient and speak gently... Remember, a gentle word turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger. (Prov 15:1-2)

Sometimes it is quite difficult to speak gently when you feel you may have been offended. If you practice patience and calmness in your communication this week I am certain your spouse will see the difference in your heart.

I pray you will be strengthened as you speak kindly to your spouse this week.

Blessings,
Keith

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Marriage Minute: How Do You Speak Love?

We recently moved our office/study/everything room from the main floor of our home into the basement. In the process I had to carry many of the books that I have collected over the years and one of them caught my eye. It was a book that I picked up at a yard sale or maybe even the local thrift store. (I find lots of books that way and they are way cheaper)

If you have been a Christian for awhile you have probably heard of this book. It was a pretty famous book and made it to the NY Times bestseller list. It is Gary Chapman's "The Five Love Languages." Now I have a really bad habit of not reading a lot of the books I buy and this one was no exception. But after seeing the book it got me to thinking, "what is my wife's love language?" So instead of reading the book, or even opening it, I went to the website. There I found a really basic assessment and I took it. I discovered my "love language" and asked my wife to do the same. I was actually quite surprised. For many years I thought she was a physical touch/kind words kind of person but her main love languages are acts of service and quality time. We learned quite a bit about each other and had a lot of laughs in the process.

Daily In Christ - Marriage Minute Challenge

Here is this weeks Marriage Minute Challenge.

Spend a few minutes taking the love language assessment with your spouse. Once you have determined what form of love speaks to your spouse, then work on making it a priority to relate to them in this way.

May the Lord bless your marriage this week as you discover new things about one another.

Blessings,
Keith

Marriage Minute: Leave and Cleave... Becoming One Flesh

Gen 2:24
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his
mother and hold fast to his wife,
and they shall become one flesh. (esv)

What does it look like for a man and a woman to become one flesh? Have you ever heard someone say? "I don't care what happens in our life, I will live in a cardboard box if it means being with you forever." Every marriage starts out with wonderful intentions and then often times the conflicts and struggles of life cause the marriage to weaken and become fragile. Gen 2:24 tells us that a man shall leave and cleave. Leave the security, comfort, and love of his parents and hold fast to the woman he has chosen to become one flesh with.

How are you doing with that today? Generally the leaving part isn't so difficult, but the becoming one flesh certainly is. Eph 5 tells us that a man nurtures and cares for his own body and we are to love our wife as we would love ourselves. I think the same holds true for wives towards their husbands.

So in this marriage minute I want to encourage you in one thing as I am encouraged myself to do the same...

Daily In Christ - Marriage Minute Challenge:

Spend some time this week showing your spouse that they are as important to you as you are important to you! Work diligently on becoming the "one flesh" described in Gen 2:24.

May the Lord bless your marriage as you draw closer to Him...